Touch,as part of expression is nothing unknown to us i.e.,Indian but what amaze me is the the comfort and healing property it provides.
Today, when i have returned to my home town i.e., Ghaziabad after a gap of 2 months and got to touch my pet and sleep with my brother in the same blanket ,i can only say that touch is healing in nature.
I also noticed as how we as a human race are forgetting the power of touch and going for things which don't cut as deep as simple touch do .Today we don't bath for it can be a beautiful experience to feel oneself but we bath because we have germs on our body or at most want to get rid of ugly WE and implant a beautiful US in that place.I can testify that the day one bath with intention of feeling the self and one's body, the whole experience transform in to something sacred.The experience then start taking u closer to self and it brings lot of happiness.
I would like to mention of touch in relation to dog or a pet in little more detail .Some of the studies have shown that having a pet especially dog add years to one's life and one reason that i could identify earlier was and also documented that they don't let u sit lazy ,pet demand activity and activity enhances life.
Another fact (that i am not sure whether has been accounted or not) is that your pet gives u immense opportunity to feel a living being .You can touch your dog and u feel connected .A lot more is possible with humans but aahh!!! when we allow that!!...
However,philosophically the tendency to touch is manifestation of duality i.e., it gives birth to the notion that two separate entity exist .In India we have a long tradition of people believing in non-duality and may be somewhere it has contributed to fact that we adopted Namaskar as salutation than hand shake .And this RICHNESS is what i want to explore...
Touch in literal sense can be only external and if we we gain energy only from outside than may be we are entering into a dangerous relationship .For instance relationship solely focused on sexual intimacy may lead to heavy dependence of one partner on another ....and as matter of principle same is not advisable...for anything external will lead to misery as it is changing...momentary...
So do i mean that we should not be close to each other or advocating no physical intimacy..not at all...what i would like to say is that as with most of the beautiful experiences in life,external life has immense potential to give a glimpse of internal treasure...
You can only imagine as how much powerful will be the process of getting in touch to one's very core..remember when one fine morning u woke up and said wow!!what a sleep i had..it was same..you just touched ur inner being that day..and somehow that touch carried till morning, that FINE MORNING ....
Getting in touch to one's core is immensely beautiful...rather most beautiful and beauty is also in the fact that it is always accessible to you ... and this not negate the importance of external touch but only enhances its value .Here ,i would also like to bring the fact that as like some personality theories suggest thattheir are people which derive energy from extraversion i.e.,outside ... for such people external touch takes much more importance than for introverted people..for external makes foundation for people which are high on extraversion and anything less than that may not be easy for them...
But aren't people with introversion require the external touch..they also do(as per me)for balance is the way of life ...and caveat here is if you don't touch people is manner of love then you will end up in doing that in moments of anger ...TOUCH CAN'T BE WISHED AWAY!!!
So to sum up people high on extraversion need to be careful that they don't get overly dependant on external touch and understand that external touch is what can be gateway to internal journey...for people with intravesrion, challenge is that of balance...and choice is to do that in beautiful manner as that of love or the forced way of hate/anger...
Wish all readers(if any )!!LOL!! a wisdom full life....
Tuesday
Thursday
2009...Love....Life....nd the future
2009!!!What a year it has been !!! a landmark year in my life...in every sense.I had many turning points in my life but hardly any year was so exciting and impactful as this year has been.
Coming to TISS is paying off and so the wait to come here....and one thing that touched my being and which i must say i wanted is LOVE..this ubiquitous word which i heard in so many movies...saw being displayed in all different hues in some of the best flicks...and same word been explored in philosophy and mysticism to its core and now i am happy that i am experiencing the same.
The moment i speak abt love what comes to my mind is the classification of love in to infatuation and true love....but my experience till now states that the thing remain same the difference is in approach and when Nagarjuna,Buddhist monk asked one of the seeker to meditate on buffalo whom the seeker used to love Nagarjuna is pointing to the same thing i.e., its not the object but the intent that matter.
And as far as my experience goes carnal love is equally transformatory .
Coming back to what my heart want to say is that Love is painful...tremendously painful...i mean i never experienced so much of pain prior to falling in love.It is like getting born and die each day and both are painful in their own respect .What comes with love...Expansion ..to do something for your beloved..and mind you love is indeed an action .....
And the power of love has been experienced by me in the form of liberty i have given to my beloved to hurt me...its like you make urself nude and vulnerable ...open to pain and pleasure alike.I have to be honest that jealousy..insecurity..anger..frustration...comes along with this gift of love.Your head starts to roll when u see somebody else with her and that is regardless of whether she loves you or not .And leave that apart ..the gestures of the beloved ..man!!! each is magnified 1000 times....the moment she acknowledges u is like elixir been tasted..like new life start flowing in you ...the touch been made like..life has started supporting you.....and on another side..non-acknowledgement makes u feel as if hell has broken down on you....ur whole day u carry the shadow of the pain of those changed eyes..eyes which you will like to see you only ...possesiveness..yeah!!! undoubtedly ........and brilliance is that you subject yourself to this evryday...i mean everyday.
What i got and getting out of it ..what comes to my mind is capacity to bear pain ....dig little deeper ..it is pain experienced by caterpillar in getting out of cocoon .....being over dosed of structural stimuli in terms of appreciation for being a good boy..then good student..nd good individual...i am somewhere chained by the one big tendency .."APPROVAL"...yup i never acknowledged but i seek approval....it benefited me..that's from where all those GOOd-ies came from but man!!they are suffocating and i will not shy away from saying the fact that it kills creativity and initiative...and most importantly hampers your love life......lol.....u can't wait for a girl to say she loves to love her.....but for me and for many like me...approval becomes the rule...hey pals now don't go and start ignoring NO by womenfolk but i just wanted to say that may be their are times where approval is not explicit and may be it is not their but for your own benefit you need to indulge yourself in certain acts.
Love to Life..........exploration that i love .... i love mysteries...in term of places....thoughts.....people and life at large........it was today morning only when i was full of energy with idea that i want to explore life...especially in term of places and yes ideas.....my summers at Tata Steel...i pray that i am placed at Jamshedpur....and its my promise to self it will be memorable...for sure...in every sense..work and fun.
I see a very different life for my self in coming one year and for 10 years .I'll be more confident..less approval seeking....enjoying to the core...and yes will come up with some "lotus diamond".
One more thing that i would love to share and would like to be in balck and white is the fact that i am held back by my high need of Inclusion and Affection.It was today morning only and is a story for long that i lost the sight of what is important to me just to be with some group.....yup i may or may not appear to be so but being part of group..need not to be as people call "Mine" or my group..but just bunch of ppl is very high ...over it i expect things to be harmonious(coming from affection) ...which translate in to proper dispersion of ppl..though at the same time it is me who don't bid proper bye....need to analyze why this happen.
I am expected to find out the solution for this.
Finally, an honest and genuine declaration......i can never imagine myself doing usual stuff...i still remember the night ....i don't now why i remember the same .. it was that night only when i told my brother that i'll not live like this...i'll change the way world IS..........so journey is still on ...............@))(
LOVE
Tuesday
SWADESH.....
My 'Swadesh' is my town 'Ghaziabad' and now i know what this expression would mean if uttered by a someone close to the land and who knows the pain of separation.
My love ..my town ..i will miss you ..i will miss ur cool winters...i will miss cool breeze dancing with every pore of me and instilling in me the desire to vanish .....my love!!!
I now know why in old days men and ladies alike were calling their states , Riyasts or Provinces 'Swadesh' ..because i know how dear that place was to them ....and growing is my respect for their aliveness to love their land to extent that it start creating aroma which they must have missed no matter where they go .
My Swadesh is somewhat i would love to present you today with all my love....u name the "Rittu"or season and it is their and best are winters and monsoon.....the day i play football when bliss is falling like drops ...i can only hope that u live the same........i will miss running in cold when every gist of breeze wants to tear u part and want to make ur heart its home forever.....
So is my love
that i was blind which was obvious to eyes
when a friend die in not far neighbour
it was my town which was still a 'Saray'
When i heard news from friends that he..she die
it was my town which was still a place to die
When people ask how safe is your 'Saray'
i say i never encountered a safer 'saray'
i live in swadesh which is mine
and i know it is where no one dies
I will miss u my 'saray'
I will miss your winters and summers alike.
love
My love ..my town ..i will miss you ..i will miss ur cool winters...i will miss cool breeze dancing with every pore of me and instilling in me the desire to vanish .....my love!!!
I now know why in old days men and ladies alike were calling their states , Riyasts or Provinces 'Swadesh' ..because i know how dear that place was to them ....and growing is my respect for their aliveness to love their land to extent that it start creating aroma which they must have missed no matter where they go .
My Swadesh is somewhat i would love to present you today with all my love....u name the "Rittu"or season and it is their and best are winters and monsoon.....the day i play football when bliss is falling like drops ...i can only hope that u live the same........i will miss running in cold when every gist of breeze wants to tear u part and want to make ur heart its home forever.....
So is my love
that i was blind which was obvious to eyes
when a friend die in not far neighbour
it was my town which was still a 'Saray'
When i heard news from friends that he..she die
it was my town which was still a place to die
When people ask how safe is your 'Saray'
i say i never encountered a safer 'saray'
i live in swadesh which is mine
and i know it is where no one dies
I will miss u my 'saray'
I will miss your winters and summers alike.
love
Friday
Here I Stand...........TISS
So first semester and the summer process has ended yesterday......and so have I watched the movie Julia & Julie ....pls go and see the movie, u will now why i have mentioned it here.
Many experiences has enriched my life after coming to TISS and many a times wanted to blog but something or other happened that resulted in almost no blogging since I joined TISS ,excluding initial dayz...
Now when much time has passed I wanted to write and write honestly about what I felt throughout the semester and especially during and after the summer process.
Whole semester passed like zuuuu.. and I thank god that I survived..Though not in fabulous manner ...but yes to even survive is like achieving KRA.
Let me again revisit the times when I did thought that let be a drop it or leave things as they are ..and then things started improving and again they deteriorated and again they improved and finally i stand having Tata Steel as my summer placement company, which was the third last company on the second day of the process.
Man!!!i am jumping to the summer process in middle but i can't save it ...i will get 15000 per month and hopefully that in Jamshedpur with all those facilities which Souvik has described but and this is BIG but i feel terrible. I am hurt ...I was hurt throughout the whole process and may be was so throughout my first sem.
When u see people getting placed one after another..some in FMCG..some in Consultancy..with BIg names and u are left ,it do raise a doubt as where I stand and yes it was an eye opener as to what works what don’t and where I lack.
What was going in my mind when i was going through all that ? Same old pattern that I will do this and that and that .....now I can laugh on the fact that this is what I am good at ...dude be grounded.
What are my learnings ? Buddy grow up ....finish things and move on ....people mind business not undefined verbalism....what a insult to creativity ..huh!!....heheh...but yes i need to move on ..Understand that life has many aspects not just speaking what does not make sense or looks Utopian...but hey then how this world will be gifted with theories..Isn’t it the fact that idealism is the breeding ground for theories...for Marx world was perfectly classist...for capitalist it is perfectly profit....for economics human totally rational.....and so on and so forth.
Learnings.....hard work pays....it paid when I did in 12th and used all that during my grad...it worked when I meditated and was gifted with understanding of things people are least concerned of....sincerity cannot be faked ..and it is indeed contagious...so I better start loving this virtue again.
Coming back to the experiences in general, the funniest thing is how people judge each other and i should mark that it is actually and absolutely funny...I, not once but for several times (and it seems it will not end) goes to one lady (yup ladies are best at it) and she say bla bla for other and then u goes to other and you hear another novel perspective and u feel wah ..Life is RICH ...LOL....Boyz masaallah!! have difference,they are different as they are are great liers.I think their tendency for poly-gamy has gifted them this virtue...and thus better beware.
And I must say I am not different...but yes I have become true fan of inherent goodness in each one of us. There were people which I found repulsive initially and I said that in front of others too (actually I wasted a lot of time in airing my opinions) but I must now acknowledge that I have discovered each one of them to be a beautiful human being .People love criticizing and almost have a knack of pulling each other’s leg but then they are also sweet..and irresistibly humane....I don't know how to put it but for me it is loving without judgments. And one thing that I have said to somebody in class and was not much understood and I feel I must re-instate is that ‘ I love to love and I love to be opinionated but I don't love to be judgmental’.
Moving on to politics..Yes this is not-visible yet most powerful current everywhere...so at TISS....nobody can save oneself from that and it is like air i.e.,not apparent until it comes as storm and our Jr. placement committee is example....but I also feel that it is very good tool to provide sustainability to processes and decisions .
Now I would like to continue the process of documenting my experiences at TISS in a regular fashion and hence this new blog http://tiss-o-phila.blogspot.com/. (This post will mark the beginning of the blog)
Love
Many experiences has enriched my life after coming to TISS and many a times wanted to blog but something or other happened that resulted in almost no blogging since I joined TISS ,excluding initial dayz...
Now when much time has passed I wanted to write and write honestly about what I felt throughout the semester and especially during and after the summer process.
Whole semester passed like zuuuu.. and I thank god that I survived..Though not in fabulous manner ...but yes to even survive is like achieving KRA.
Let me again revisit the times when I did thought that let be a drop it or leave things as they are ..and then things started improving and again they deteriorated and again they improved and finally i stand having Tata Steel as my summer placement company, which was the third last company on the second day of the process.
Man!!!i am jumping to the summer process in middle but i can't save it ...i will get 15000 per month and hopefully that in Jamshedpur with all those facilities which Souvik has described but and this is BIG but i feel terrible. I am hurt ...I was hurt throughout the whole process and may be was so throughout my first sem.
When u see people getting placed one after another..some in FMCG..some in Consultancy..with BIg names and u are left ,it do raise a doubt as where I stand and yes it was an eye opener as to what works what don’t and where I lack.
What was going in my mind when i was going through all that ? Same old pattern that I will do this and that and that .....now I can laugh on the fact that this is what I am good at ...dude be grounded.
What are my learnings ? Buddy grow up ....finish things and move on ....people mind business not undefined verbalism....what a insult to creativity ..huh!!....heheh...but yes i need to move on ..Understand that life has many aspects not just speaking what does not make sense or looks Utopian...but hey then how this world will be gifted with theories..Isn’t it the fact that idealism is the breeding ground for theories...for Marx world was perfectly classist...for capitalist it is perfectly profit....for economics human totally rational.....and so on and so forth.
Learnings.....hard work pays....it paid when I did in 12th and used all that during my grad...it worked when I meditated and was gifted with understanding of things people are least concerned of....sincerity cannot be faked ..and it is indeed contagious...so I better start loving this virtue again.
Coming back to the experiences in general, the funniest thing is how people judge each other and i should mark that it is actually and absolutely funny...I, not once but for several times (and it seems it will not end) goes to one lady (yup ladies are best at it) and she say bla bla for other and then u goes to other and you hear another novel perspective and u feel wah ..Life is RICH ...LOL....Boyz masaallah!! have difference,they are different as they are are great liers.I think their tendency for poly-gamy has gifted them this virtue...and thus better beware.
And I must say I am not different...but yes I have become true fan of inherent goodness in each one of us. There were people which I found repulsive initially and I said that in front of others too (actually I wasted a lot of time in airing my opinions) but I must now acknowledge that I have discovered each one of them to be a beautiful human being .People love criticizing and almost have a knack of pulling each other’s leg but then they are also sweet..and irresistibly humane....I don't know how to put it but for me it is loving without judgments. And one thing that I have said to somebody in class and was not much understood and I feel I must re-instate is that ‘ I love to love and I love to be opinionated but I don't love to be judgmental’.
Moving on to politics..Yes this is not-visible yet most powerful current everywhere...so at TISS....nobody can save oneself from that and it is like air i.e.,not apparent until it comes as storm and our Jr. placement committee is example....but I also feel that it is very good tool to provide sustainability to processes and decisions .
Now I would like to continue the process of documenting my experiences at TISS in a regular fashion and hence this new blog http://tiss-o-phila.blogspot.com/. (This post will mark the beginning of the blog)
Love
Life is worth Living
My last post was among the few post which has been written by me in an emotional flow and not under intellectual intoxication and thus will remain one of the closest to my heart.Yet it has compelled me to write this fresh post in quick succession to bring freshness and to avoid misinterpretation.
I was sad that day and had elated days after that and i would like to thanks my readers and this existence to love my prayers. I am now experiencing which many may call getting tuned to the new place with lot more groundedness though i am also conscious of the fact that this may be like getting used to the devil.Yet what i fell is that i am at much more peace ..have adjusted to carry myself in better fashion.... ..and most importantly at ease with myself.
I am spending most of my time at TISS campus and this may also be one of the reason that i am feeling good...having classes for more than 8 hours seems to have taken away my attention from the gloom i described in last post.
This post also demand to describe few of the experiences at TISS classes......the very first observation is that questions in many cases are hindrance to the answers .Isn't amazing that the answers are often sacrificed at altar of faking inquisitiveness and demand to raise better questions.People often loose the track and seems to be looking for the excuse to question what is obvious.Yet i would not like to give impression that i am against questioning rather i feel that questioning is the only way to have inclusive learning .But what i observed is a strange phenomenon as my understanding says that to have solution or answer or creation of understanding one needs to be free of tension in head ..a calm state of mind .Yet when i see people ignoring real question raised by others for they themselves want to fake the question i feel amused .
And i am not speaking of others only but of my own self too... the moment of questioning when questions are asked to be put up can well be equated with fever ....one finds himself in grip of a peculiar tension where he/she is more concerned with raising questions than listening.Listening which is the basic tool for creation of understanding is somewhere lost in this whole process and somehow leads to the defeat of the very purpose of inviting questions which was to have inclusive teaching.One can not assume inclusive or participative teaching when the very individual raising question is not concerned with the questions raised by others and thus can almost be counted to be absent in class for those moments(and mind you the fever takes much more time to calm down then what we may think off.....it is like mud in water which being stirred will take its own time to settle) .
However i also have an experience where people are devoid of questioning because they were never concerned about the teaching and thus i must convey that there is need to have the middle path ........a way that inculcate the inclusive teaching yet create an environment where inquiry is entertained and not the questions.
As one sentence or gem of wisdom that has been part of my learning at TISS from the very beginning is that no criticism is good until it is accompanied by the solution , onus comes on my shoulders to give a alternative and the alternative which comes to my mind is relative ranking or grading of questions.
If the questions raised by the students are subject to grades then i think students will be encouraged to bring quality questions and at the same time this will ensure that the basic spirit of inquiry is never put on hold. I must also acknowledge that there will be certain challenges that will accompany such process, yet i feel that those challenges will only compelled us to bring what was long due.For instance one may say that it will not be feasible to burden a single teacher for simultaneously teaching and consciously jotting down the grades or to check the quality and i suggest that answer to this problem lies in something which may have not been tried earlier i.e, why don't a single class be taken by 2 or more professors together .We teach cooperation ..synergy....coordination......creativity....etc as part of management and i think having more than one teacher will just be like injecting those great sounding words in to blood and bones of the educational system.
Hey.......... i was never intended to dwell this long on the experience at TISS in this post rather wanted to bring some hope to the blog .......but i think this must have given umpteen signs that i am alive and kicking .....lol....i love u life
LOVE
I was sad that day and had elated days after that and i would like to thanks my readers and this existence to love my prayers. I am now experiencing which many may call getting tuned to the new place with lot more groundedness though i am also conscious of the fact that this may be like getting used to the devil.Yet what i fell is that i am at much more peace ..have adjusted to carry myself in better fashion.... ..and most importantly at ease with myself.
I am spending most of my time at TISS campus and this may also be one of the reason that i am feeling good...having classes for more than 8 hours seems to have taken away my attention from the gloom i described in last post.
This post also demand to describe few of the experiences at TISS classes......the very first observation is that questions in many cases are hindrance to the answers .Isn't amazing that the answers are often sacrificed at altar of faking inquisitiveness and demand to raise better questions.People often loose the track and seems to be looking for the excuse to question what is obvious.Yet i would not like to give impression that i am against questioning rather i feel that questioning is the only way to have inclusive learning .But what i observed is a strange phenomenon as my understanding says that to have solution or answer or creation of understanding one needs to be free of tension in head ..a calm state of mind .Yet when i see people ignoring real question raised by others for they themselves want to fake the question i feel amused .
And i am not speaking of others only but of my own self too... the moment of questioning when questions are asked to be put up can well be equated with fever ....one finds himself in grip of a peculiar tension where he/she is more concerned with raising questions than listening.Listening which is the basic tool for creation of understanding is somewhere lost in this whole process and somehow leads to the defeat of the very purpose of inviting questions which was to have inclusive teaching.One can not assume inclusive or participative teaching when the very individual raising question is not concerned with the questions raised by others and thus can almost be counted to be absent in class for those moments(and mind you the fever takes much more time to calm down then what we may think off.....it is like mud in water which being stirred will take its own time to settle) .
However i also have an experience where people are devoid of questioning because they were never concerned about the teaching and thus i must convey that there is need to have the middle path ........a way that inculcate the inclusive teaching yet create an environment where inquiry is entertained and not the questions.
As one sentence or gem of wisdom that has been part of my learning at TISS from the very beginning is that no criticism is good until it is accompanied by the solution , onus comes on my shoulders to give a alternative and the alternative which comes to my mind is relative ranking or grading of questions.
If the questions raised by the students are subject to grades then i think students will be encouraged to bring quality questions and at the same time this will ensure that the basic spirit of inquiry is never put on hold. I must also acknowledge that there will be certain challenges that will accompany such process, yet i feel that those challenges will only compelled us to bring what was long due.For instance one may say that it will not be feasible to burden a single teacher for simultaneously teaching and consciously jotting down the grades or to check the quality and i suggest that answer to this problem lies in something which may have not been tried earlier i.e, why don't a single class be taken by 2 or more professors together .We teach cooperation ..synergy....coordination......creativity....etc as part of management and i think having more than one teacher will just be like injecting those great sounding words in to blood and bones of the educational system.
Hey.......... i was never intended to dwell this long on the experience at TISS in this post rather wanted to bring some hope to the blog .......but i think this must have given umpteen signs that i am alive and kicking .....lol....i love u life
LOVE
Tuesday
Don't know whether it will be right or wrong to pen down my experience at TISS,especially of the past few days as there may be few readers which are from our batch and it feels bit insecure to showcase the hidden part of you ,the internal chatter in my head but nevertheless i want to write it .
Have reached mumbai and to be honest didn't like the place much ,it has a kind of odour which i don't like and which is very peculiar to it.I must also admit that i am not in great spirit either while i am writing this so there may be a subtle layer of sadness that may be evident in this post.
Right now our orientation is going on and had the talent show today and which was just terrific .I have never laughed and clapped so much as i did today at our fabulous convention centre at TISS.
Yet would not like to talk of good things but something that i am at unease with .I am unusually sad and happy here at mumbai.....rather i would like to say that that it is gloom and engagement .I don't know why i am feeling so but yes i do feel that way here and may be this is the first time i am feeling home sick ............just don't know .
It feels that there may be some basic questions unanswered to myself creating this gloom and the most important among them seems to be of "WHY ?" i am just unable to satisfy myself about the reason of my existence and i see many reasons to it ,though my readers will be better judge.One of the reason seems a sudden twist in form of being surrounded by so many strangers in form of roommates as well as classmates ,though i must say that they are the among few great souls and i am no more a stranger to them(especially to my roommates) .It is just that u find more people to speak in ur mind...and i think many of u must have noticed that we think with an object in our mind and which in most of the cases in an individual and here i have found so many of them and with such speed that may be my mind is taking time to make prespective.
Secondly and i think most and importantly is the sudden questioning about my need to socialize.....i was never great at socializing and accept when many says that i love to live in my own world but here when u are new to so many things one just can not over emphasize the need of communication and which seems to brew up a kind of inner crisis for me.I am just asking myself what's the need of talking ...talking so much ...a kind of pretense ...and this become more acute as i am not feeling grounded.
Yeaaahhh...this is the problem i am not feeling grounded..i am feeling lost ..completely lost ...i have become stranger to self and this strange lonliness is growing ......and an honest answer may be because of my surrounding ....i was always very sensitive to the odour and the place i am living at is full of odours..from deos..to intolerable smell of kerosene coming from neighbourhood because of ongoing construction.And such conditions are raising questions in mind whether i should continue with all this or shall withdraw,withdraw from don't know what ......
I must say explicitly that though i have been happier today ............i am greatly unhappy now........................can break in to tears .................
Let me pray and finish this post
O u great seer guide me and show me the path to the abode of tranquility ,
and provide me courage to tread the path to the temple of inner peace ,which is the fountain of all glory .
I pray to thee to make me able to praise thou and praise the beauty of your existence ,
and hence grant me the boon of river as to end my journey in great sea of your immortal bliss
Have reached mumbai and to be honest didn't like the place much ,it has a kind of odour which i don't like and which is very peculiar to it.I must also admit that i am not in great spirit either while i am writing this so there may be a subtle layer of sadness that may be evident in this post.
Right now our orientation is going on and had the talent show today and which was just terrific .I have never laughed and clapped so much as i did today at our fabulous convention centre at TISS.
Yet would not like to talk of good things but something that i am at unease with .I am unusually sad and happy here at mumbai.....rather i would like to say that that it is gloom and engagement .I don't know why i am feeling so but yes i do feel that way here and may be this is the first time i am feeling home sick ............just don't know .
It feels that there may be some basic questions unanswered to myself creating this gloom and the most important among them seems to be of "WHY ?" i am just unable to satisfy myself about the reason of my existence and i see many reasons to it ,though my readers will be better judge.One of the reason seems a sudden twist in form of being surrounded by so many strangers in form of roommates as well as classmates ,though i must say that they are the among few great souls and i am no more a stranger to them(especially to my roommates) .It is just that u find more people to speak in ur mind...and i think many of u must have noticed that we think with an object in our mind and which in most of the cases in an individual and here i have found so many of them and with such speed that may be my mind is taking time to make prespective.
Secondly and i think most and importantly is the sudden questioning about my need to socialize.....i was never great at socializing and accept when many says that i love to live in my own world but here when u are new to so many things one just can not over emphasize the need of communication and which seems to brew up a kind of inner crisis for me.I am just asking myself what's the need of talking ...talking so much ...a kind of pretense ...and this become more acute as i am not feeling grounded.
Yeaaahhh...this is the problem i am not feeling grounded..i am feeling lost ..completely lost ...i have become stranger to self and this strange lonliness is growing ......and an honest answer may be because of my surrounding ....i was always very sensitive to the odour and the place i am living at is full of odours..from deos..to intolerable smell of kerosene coming from neighbourhood because of ongoing construction.And such conditions are raising questions in mind whether i should continue with all this or shall withdraw,withdraw from don't know what ......
I must say explicitly that though i have been happier today ............i am greatly unhappy now........................can break in to tears .................
Let me pray and finish this post
O u great seer guide me and show me the path to the abode of tranquility ,
and provide me courage to tread the path to the temple of inner peace ,which is the fountain of all glory .
I pray to thee to make me able to praise thou and praise the beauty of your existence ,
and hence grant me the boon of river as to end my journey in great sea of your immortal bliss
Sunday
A Provisional TISSian........
FINALLY!! my journey has crossed an important milestone ,which undeniably has brought change unknown and unexperienced before.The milestone is getting selected for M.A. in Human Resources and Labour relations at Tata Institute of Social Sciences(TISS).My hard work which presumably was in the line of making better perspective of myself and the world has finally yielded a place at one of the most coveted institute and course and above landed me at place which will allow me to flourish in the way i want.
The interview and group discussion for the above mentioned course are something to talk about ,especially personal interview.Group discussion went normal and when i say normal then it is good as me being one of the main speaker with3-4 valid entries and few other supporting entries. It was personal interview which actually went so good that it made me feel that it has gone exceptionally well to allow my selection.
Personal interview started with the basic questioning on academics i.e, Memorandum of Association(MOA),Article of Associations(AOA) ,clauses in them etc but real game started with the question "Why you want to pursue M.A. in Hr ?" and my reply which somehow got delivered through me looked so cosmetic or well prepared that they asked whether i have taken coaching for it or not.The answer for the above question begin with declaration of my intention as to have deep interest in understanding Humans ,especially as why some people reach zenith of their potential while others remains at bottom of their possibilities.I presented them the classic philosophy of mental formation in Buddhism i.e, how any mental formation whether it be of anger or compassion,success or failure etc comes in to existence and then given them new or contemporary words for the same.
Let me give brief description of the same to all my readers.Mental formation has four integral elements i.e,
1.Seed ,
2.Supporting Conditions,
3.Object ,and
4.Persistence .
and every mental formation,which ultimately gets manifested in outer world is made up of the above four elements only.To elaborate further or to give them contemporary meaning just equated 'Seed' with 'inside -out approach' advocated by great writer and coach Stephen R.Covey in "The Seven Habits of highly effective people",Supporting conditions to 'outside- in approach' as beautifully described in "Tipping point" by Malcom Gadwell,brought out the importance of 'object' with authority-responsibility relationship (although now i can add the tag line as "begin with the end in mind" to it though didn't use it then) and finally 'persistence' with rule of constant practice as again emphasized by Malcom Gladwell in his new release Outliers.In order to not lengthen the post i am providing the links and escaping detailed explanation.However i must underline the fact that during interview the emphasis was on the fact that how contradictory looking approaches e.g., Inside- Out approach and Outside-In approach which are upside down to each other are actually complementary and the requirement is to to synthesize them which i see happening through this philosophy of mental formation. And with my own wonderment i said that all and thus faced initial skepticism as if already mugged up all this for personal interview from the panel .
Another important Philosophy which unlike above has more roots in me and which i disclosed after it was that of "PRATHAM".I will call this strategy as "Philosophy of Success" or a pillar upon which it rest or it can also be said to be "Philosophy of Success Through Ethics".Under it explained to them the beauty of the word "Pratham" which in Hindi means "one who stops first' and is used for denoting a winner. Thus the beauty lies in convergence of the literal meaning of this term 'Pratham' and its usage .This help us to appreciate that winner is not the one who walks fastest or one who walks for greater distance or who cover the distance in shortest of time but the one who knows when or where to STOP.And as any hypothesis stands the test in many spheres of life , it translates (and conveyed by me to interviewers) in to mindfulness in an individual life and risk management ,failure management and importance of ethical culture or ethics in corporate life .This was supported by name of Buddha and life of Dhiru Bahi Amabani and given the reference of learning about Dhiru Bahi being a best failure manger as explained to me by Prof,. Harkirat Singh at IIFT(read the preceding post to have a introduction of the institute and my learnings form it ).
Now comes another real test and that was in form of question of ideal in my life for which i given them the name of Ela Bhatt and sited the reason of her ability of gracious exit .I also compared her with Verghese Kurein,father of White Revolution in India as difference in their leadership style.
And so comes the another related question , which may be out of my excessive usage of philosophy as they asked"what actually i want to be in life,what all things i want to have?"and this question was not a product of intellect alone but i could see in the eyes of MR. Mulla ,one of the panelist to really want to know what i want in life .
Now to be honest this is one of the most difficult question in my life,especially when i am asked to answer it in public.This question has been a Achilles Heel not only at TISS but interviews at other colleges also mainly because what i speak at interviews and what i really want from life is generally sited as inconsistent with situation most of the interview panels find me in.And the ultimate goal to me and i feel for any person devoted to reality will be is that of RENUNCIATION(Vairagya) and i can say on hindsight that honesty of that question from Mr. Mulla and some unexplainable courage lead me to divulge this secret of mine.And only i know what i was feeling then, like as if striped naked before those people. Though i was in my nudity but it was more of a uninhibited naked ease which i enjoyed exaltedly .Just try to feel as how any of us actually feel when some of the best kept secret or fantasy gets revealed to others suddenly and with out making conscious effort from our side.
Now after the confession came one question- cum- observance which i think will be coming to minds of the readers also i.e, "How you will be a HR manager with those lofty principles of gracious exit and renunciation ?" which they just refined and made as "How with such lofty principles you will be a different HR manager ?" and my goodness then occurred a revelation to me also that i have grown in to an incurable philosopher or rather "Materialistic philosopher"as one of my she-friend described me once and uttered which was just a explanation of the art of communication.As my observance goes and one can even site plagiarism here (e.g., Socrates) , i have often seen intelligent people in a communication trap of inability to bring the desired course of action and so once in a while my mind, as in ahaa.. moments, given me insight as to the reason of same.I have seen that many people especially intelligent and one which commands a higher position are pressed with questions which is taken up by them as 'question on the face' and which is the mistake they commit at the very first place.They hardly understand or realize that the question is a test and a test not to provide answer but solution and solution lies in intelligent questioning itself rather than cosmetic intelligent answers.I just introduce this concept to the panel with example of Jesus using parable and again the name (which now i know i use most) i.e., of Buddha for using same art.
I was here interrupted in between and another question was asked from the lady in the panel i.e.,'Why you are going for the course when you are so well read,already?" and for a second i realized that it might have gone over the top or just TOO much to deliver in an interview and just within that moment i was also afraid as whether this question really to be taken or has sarcasm in it .But as situation demanded i started speaking with a pause and then described them an occurrence which happened in real and coincidentally while filling Detailed Application Form (DAF) for TISS only, as i told them how while writing the DAF i first used plain white paper with out any lines and then tried on the paper with lines drawn by pencil ..................here ... i was again interrupted(and that for good) and came the comment which made my day especially because it was from person whom from my first sight i could tell he is THE MAN i,e MR. Mulla and the comment was "You can be a good Corporate Guru" and then for a moment my whole being become almost a reverence in itself to Mr. Mulla as it became more of self-discovery and because the declaration of same was from mouth of somebody whom you started to admire from the very first sight.
As after the comment i was asked to resume , i just gave the last touch as to explain them the importance of platform from the writing up of the DAF with plain paper and one with lines drwan, as there was considerable difference in the writing and the symmetry(as the one with lines drawn gave the better results) though the content was same and so applies to the M.A. in HR which is going to provide a platform and that i wanted from the course.
And then a small pause,all the three people looked towards each other and then final adieu and goodbye wish of having great time ahead by Mr. Mulla himself(ummmhhh).
Now that was incurable me and the result of which has been positive and has given a kind of fresh morning to my life .I must have been among the happiest lot on earth at the moment i saw my result and especially exalted with the felling that they selected me for 'WHAT I AM" and appreciated the uniqueness with which i am gifted.
Life has changed a lot as i have also successfully delivered a 'Talk Cum Sharing(TcS) " with title "Financial Literacy" after the results being announced.The talk was a success with average point of over 9 on the scale of 10 as provided, under the feedback form, by people which attended it .And i think after reading the above you all must have got the idea what i must have delivered in the talk.Though hardly i included anything from what i said in the interview but it was almost a Song From My Heart.TcS(Talks cum Sharing) was structured for duration of 3 hours,consisting of two parts of 1 1/2 Hours each while first enumerating basic principles of life( Actually have many to share which are either learnt or discovered) including "Philosophy of Education","HOW ? ",'WHY" and "Mental Formation"in brief.Second part of the TcS was about core "Financial Literacy","Quantification of Love and Hate list items","Wealth Ratio" and some "Eccentric Tricks to be happy"(this last one was from a guest ).
Now it seems there lies a interesting and simple life and i am ready to face it with wisdom that "Life is meant to be difficult".
Love.......
Enjoy......
The interview and group discussion for the above mentioned course are something to talk about ,especially personal interview.Group discussion went normal and when i say normal then it is good as me being one of the main speaker with3-4 valid entries and few other supporting entries. It was personal interview which actually went so good that it made me feel that it has gone exceptionally well to allow my selection.
Personal interview started with the basic questioning on academics i.e, Memorandum of Association(MOA),Article of Associations(AOA) ,clauses in them etc but real game started with the question "Why you want to pursue M.A. in Hr ?" and my reply which somehow got delivered through me looked so cosmetic or well prepared that they asked whether i have taken coaching for it or not.The answer for the above question begin with declaration of my intention as to have deep interest in understanding Humans ,especially as why some people reach zenith of their potential while others remains at bottom of their possibilities.I presented them the classic philosophy of mental formation in Buddhism i.e, how any mental formation whether it be of anger or compassion,success or failure etc comes in to existence and then given them new or contemporary words for the same.
Let me give brief description of the same to all my readers.Mental formation has four integral elements i.e,
1.Seed ,
2.Supporting Conditions,
3.Object ,and
4.Persistence .
and every mental formation,which ultimately gets manifested in outer world is made up of the above four elements only.To elaborate further or to give them contemporary meaning just equated 'Seed' with 'inside -out approach' advocated by great writer and coach Stephen R.Covey in "The Seven Habits of highly effective people",Supporting conditions to 'outside- in approach' as beautifully described in "Tipping point" by Malcom Gadwell,brought out the importance of 'object' with authority-responsibility relationship (although now i can add the tag line as "begin with the end in mind" to it though didn't use it then) and finally 'persistence' with rule of constant practice as again emphasized by Malcom Gladwell in his new release Outliers.In order to not lengthen the post i am providing the links and escaping detailed explanation.However i must underline the fact that during interview the emphasis was on the fact that how contradictory looking approaches e.g., Inside- Out approach and Outside-In approach which are upside down to each other are actually complementary and the requirement is to to synthesize them which i see happening through this philosophy of mental formation. And with my own wonderment i said that all and thus faced initial skepticism as if already mugged up all this for personal interview from the panel .
Another important Philosophy which unlike above has more roots in me and which i disclosed after it was that of "PRATHAM".I will call this strategy as "Philosophy of Success" or a pillar upon which it rest or it can also be said to be "Philosophy of Success Through Ethics".Under it explained to them the beauty of the word "Pratham" which in Hindi means "one who stops first' and is used for denoting a winner. Thus the beauty lies in convergence of the literal meaning of this term 'Pratham' and its usage .This help us to appreciate that winner is not the one who walks fastest or one who walks for greater distance or who cover the distance in shortest of time but the one who knows when or where to STOP.And as any hypothesis stands the test in many spheres of life , it translates (and conveyed by me to interviewers) in to mindfulness in an individual life and risk management ,failure management and importance of ethical culture or ethics in corporate life .This was supported by name of Buddha and life of Dhiru Bahi Amabani and given the reference of learning about Dhiru Bahi being a best failure manger as explained to me by Prof,. Harkirat Singh at IIFT(read the preceding post to have a introduction of the institute and my learnings form it ).
Now comes another real test and that was in form of question of ideal in my life for which i given them the name of Ela Bhatt and sited the reason of her ability of gracious exit .I also compared her with Verghese Kurein,father of White Revolution in India as difference in their leadership style.
And so comes the another related question , which may be out of my excessive usage of philosophy as they asked"what actually i want to be in life,what all things i want to have?"and this question was not a product of intellect alone but i could see in the eyes of MR. Mulla ,one of the panelist to really want to know what i want in life .
Now to be honest this is one of the most difficult question in my life,especially when i am asked to answer it in public.This question has been a Achilles Heel not only at TISS but interviews at other colleges also mainly because what i speak at interviews and what i really want from life is generally sited as inconsistent with situation most of the interview panels find me in.And the ultimate goal to me and i feel for any person devoted to reality will be is that of RENUNCIATION(Vairagya) and i can say on hindsight that honesty of that question from Mr. Mulla and some unexplainable courage lead me to divulge this secret of mine.And only i know what i was feeling then, like as if striped naked before those people. Though i was in my nudity but it was more of a uninhibited naked ease which i enjoyed exaltedly .Just try to feel as how any of us actually feel when some of the best kept secret or fantasy gets revealed to others suddenly and with out making conscious effort from our side.
Now after the confession came one question- cum- observance which i think will be coming to minds of the readers also i.e, "How you will be a HR manager with those lofty principles of gracious exit and renunciation ?" which they just refined and made as "How with such lofty principles you will be a different HR manager ?" and my goodness then occurred a revelation to me also that i have grown in to an incurable philosopher or rather "Materialistic philosopher"as one of my she-friend described me once and uttered which was just a explanation of the art of communication.As my observance goes and one can even site plagiarism here (e.g., Socrates) , i have often seen intelligent people in a communication trap of inability to bring the desired course of action and so once in a while my mind, as in ahaa.. moments, given me insight as to the reason of same.I have seen that many people especially intelligent and one which commands a higher position are pressed with questions which is taken up by them as 'question on the face' and which is the mistake they commit at the very first place.They hardly understand or realize that the question is a test and a test not to provide answer but solution and solution lies in intelligent questioning itself rather than cosmetic intelligent answers.I just introduce this concept to the panel with example of Jesus using parable and again the name (which now i know i use most) i.e., of Buddha for using same art.
I was here interrupted in between and another question was asked from the lady in the panel i.e.,'Why you are going for the course when you are so well read,already?" and for a second i realized that it might have gone over the top or just TOO much to deliver in an interview and just within that moment i was also afraid as whether this question really to be taken or has sarcasm in it .But as situation demanded i started speaking with a pause and then described them an occurrence which happened in real and coincidentally while filling Detailed Application Form (DAF) for TISS only, as i told them how while writing the DAF i first used plain white paper with out any lines and then tried on the paper with lines drawn by pencil ..................here ... i was again interrupted(and that for good) and came the comment which made my day especially because it was from person whom from my first sight i could tell he is THE MAN i,e MR. Mulla and the comment was "You can be a good Corporate Guru" and then for a moment my whole being become almost a reverence in itself to Mr. Mulla as it became more of self-discovery and because the declaration of same was from mouth of somebody whom you started to admire from the very first sight.
As after the comment i was asked to resume , i just gave the last touch as to explain them the importance of platform from the writing up of the DAF with plain paper and one with lines drwan, as there was considerable difference in the writing and the symmetry(as the one with lines drawn gave the better results) though the content was same and so applies to the M.A. in HR which is going to provide a platform and that i wanted from the course.
And then a small pause,all the three people looked towards each other and then final adieu and goodbye wish of having great time ahead by Mr. Mulla himself(ummmhhh).
Now that was incurable me and the result of which has been positive and has given a kind of fresh morning to my life .I must have been among the happiest lot on earth at the moment i saw my result and especially exalted with the felling that they selected me for 'WHAT I AM" and appreciated the uniqueness with which i am gifted.
Life has changed a lot as i have also successfully delivered a 'Talk Cum Sharing(TcS) " with title "Financial Literacy" after the results being announced.The talk was a success with average point of over 9 on the scale of 10 as provided, under the feedback form, by people which attended it .And i think after reading the above you all must have got the idea what i must have delivered in the talk.Though hardly i included anything from what i said in the interview but it was almost a Song From My Heart.TcS(Talks cum Sharing) was structured for duration of 3 hours,consisting of two parts of 1 1/2 Hours each while first enumerating basic principles of life( Actually have many to share which are either learnt or discovered) including "Philosophy of Education","HOW ? ",'WHY" and "Mental Formation"in brief.Second part of the TcS was about core "Financial Literacy","Quantification of Love and Hate list items","Wealth Ratio" and some "Eccentric Tricks to be happy"(this last one was from a guest ).
Now it seems there lies a interesting and simple life and i am ready to face it with wisdom that "Life is meant to be difficult".
Love.......
Enjoy......
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